What is Ego? This definition will transform your consciousness!

Anyone on a spiritual path knows that ego is the biggest obstacle to awakening.  But what is exactly is ego. 

Most of us can recognize the obvious and stereo-typical attitudes and behaviours associated with ego.  It’s the boasting, controlling, my way or the high way, the putting myself before others.  It’s the need to assert myself as some more deserving than others.  But the flip side of the ego, is that in the comparing itself to others, it can also manifest as an inferiority complex, I’m not good enough.  I don’t deserve a break.

In her popular TED talk,

The art of being yourself | Caroline McHugh

talked about each of us having 4 selves. 

The self as others see you, which totally subjective and often says more about them than us.   It can be liberating to let go any concern about this.

Then there is the self, which she called our persona, or wish bone.  It’s the self that represents who we want to be.  We are often attracted or impressed by those who demonstrate aspects of our potential that haven’t yet found expression. 

Then there is the ego.  The voice inside us that constantly praises and criticizes us.  The ego’s opinion of us fluctuates wildly depending on anything and everything. 

It this ego and its need for constant validation, that actually blocks us from connecting with the original or real self.  It is this eternal, permanent self which she described as being like the sky.  Whether it is sunny or cloudly, the sky doesn’t take it personally, it just is. 

The more we reduce the ego, the more the true unlimited sky like self is able to express itself through the persona without any blocks.

So, back to what is exactly is this ego and how does it operate within our consciousness.

The definition that I like to use is from author and friend Mike George.  ‘Ego is Attachment to a Wrong Image of Belief about Myself.

I like to use the analogy of a castle, that from childhood we have been building up brick by brick.  Every compliment or criticism about  your appearance, your intelligence, your skills, goes to form more bricks in this castle.   This castle represents our identity.  

People consider it to be very normal to create an identity around our looks, skills, intelligence, personality, our preferences. It’s the way that everyone generally thinks about themselves.  If someone doesn’t have a positive self-image,i.e. my castle isn’t good enough, we encourage them to focus on the good things about themselves, to add more gold bricks. 

However the very nature of this ego castle, is that it is not real, it is totally made-up with thoughts and identifications.  The ego identifies with a whole bunch of external attachments, such as my job, social status, appearance, my child’s success and on and on.  But also with internal attachments, to my opinions, beliefs and stories about myself.

Now because deep down the ego knows that the castle, my self image is vulnerable (not my self, but my self image), it seeks to strength it through more attainments, and ward off any potential threats.  Thus the ego constantly keeps the mind in a state of subtle insecurity and desire.   Our ego is created by 1000’s of larger and small identifications with this and that, and at any moment, any of these can be threatened, by a comment, a look, a change in circumstances.

In the meanwhile, it is the noise of all this building and protecting of this castle, and keeps me unaware of the real self, which exists quite distinct and unaffected from anything related to the castle. 

I’ll share a personal example to illustrate this mechanism.  Once when I was about to sing in front of a small hall filled with people, I felt the sensation of stage fright coming on.  The nervous butterfly feelings which are rather unpleasant.  I then asked myself, what does Jillian want.  By saying Jillian, i meant, the ego that identifies with this character I play called Jillian.  And I knew of course that the ego, needed the song to go well, and the praise that follows and was afraid that Jilian might mess the song up and therefore not get its ego fix or incur ego damage even.  Then the voice of the soul asked, what does the real I need.  And the answer that arose in the mind, was Nothing.  The true I needed nothing.  This wasn’t just an intellectual exercise.  That awareness of the real self needing nothing, brought an immediate sense of freedom and relaxation.  The real self, was everything and had nothing to gain or lose from this short sense in the drama called Jillian’s life.  But the most suprising result of this shift of consciousness, was that when Jillian actually started singing, without the muscle tension created from the fear of desire or loss, the voice came out more clear and vibrant that it ever had before.  After when people praised Jillian for the song, it felt as if they could be talking about anyone. The song was song.  Nothing more. 

So this story is an example of the soul, without the emotion of fear and desire which the ego creates, being able to express itself in a more true way.  It’s the way the soul was meant to express freely.

People often say, well without any desire to add bricks to the castle, we won’t want to do anything.  There can be period in people’s shift or spiritual awakening where everything that motivated them before, goes and it can feel a bit empty, like a kind of depression.  But it is just the inner system re-wiring.  Enthusiasm will eventually return but with a different flavour. 

In future articles we will explore exactly, how this insecurity and fear from identifying ourselves constantly with things we are not.  I.e. trying to feel safe inside a sandcastle, permeates our consciousness.  And then how that insecurity manifests itself in a host of negative behaviors.  In fact, all negative behaviors, have their roots in this ego, fear mechanism. 

But recognizing when our consciousness has been hijacked by the ego, we can bring ourselves back to that awareness. That I the soul, actually need nothing.  I am everything. 

If if you are new to meditation, this may sound a little abstract but I can assure you that if you continue this journey with me, you will also feel that inner freedom as something more real that anything else.

Om Shanti.